Do you ever have days or even weeks where you're just...off? Kinda like there's a black cloud following you everywhere you go? Yeah, that's been me all week. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I have a slight idea but it shouldn't be affecting me this much. Or maybe it's normal? I don't know exactly. Let's just say this Saturday, I made a not so smart decision and it definitely had some psychological affects on me. The next day I was much better but still not 100% there. Monday it just seemed to be all in my head because I didn't feel off unless I thought about what had happened. Now I can pretty much say I'm back to normal. Physically at least, but I can't say the same for my mental health.
At night as I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep, I keep thinking about traumatizing events from my past and thinking about how maybe I could've stopped it. I know everything is in the past. Whether it be my toxic friend, toxic people from my past or other traumatizing events, they're in the past. So why are they all suddenly sneaking up on me now?
Even yesterday I was so annoyed and frustrated at literally EVERYTHING! First off I woke up like I was in a dream. And I was at work and my boss would tell me to do something and I'd get annoyed. I didn't yell or anything, I did what she requested but I wasn't happy about it. God forbid I do work at my job. And on the way home, there was traffic. There's always traffic but not traffic like this. This made me so pissed off and I wanted to scream or punch something. I would slam my hands against the steering wheel every time we stopped in absolutely anger and frustration. It took me nearly an hour to get home. I was absolutely livid.
When I got home, I did my best to relax. I watched a mind-bending movie, took a bath, took my dog for a walk. And finally I went to sleep at a pretty decent time. Not decent enough to wake up at 7 am but at least I didn't go to bed at 2 am like I sometimes do. This morning I woke up (still half asleep feeling like I was in a dream), ate breakfast, drank my tea, pet my cat and left for work. It was also raining VERY hard this morning so that definitely brought the mood down a bit. Not to mention it took me nearly an hour to get to work. But here's the funny thing. I didn't bug out nearly as much as I did yesterday. I was very calm and chill. While yesterday I was sweating, ready to cry/scream and hitting my steering wheel. I don't know if it's because I had just done a full day of work yesterday? But even at work I was pissed at literally everything and everyone.
I also used a patch I got at Target to help with soothing and calming, but I never exactly believed these things work. But I stuck one on my this morning cause I was desperate. But I'm actually really calm. No this is not a sponsored post, I don't even know if these actually work, if it's psychological or if I'm just having a better day. But I do feel a lot better.
I honestly just hope once this week ends I'll be back to normal. I can't explain it but I just want the week to be done with. On the bright side I don't have work tomorrow! And I'm gonna get Starbucks on the way home to treat myself! I'm definitely getting a strawberry açaí refresher, but I can't decide if I want to get an impossible breakfast sandwich or a tomato mozzarella panini! Or maybe I'll just get a brownie. I'm also hanging out with my friend later and lord knows where we're gonna eat or if we'll eat at all (sometime's we don't eat dinner and I end up ending a microwave dinner at home at 12 in the morning).
But anyway, I'm starting to ramble now so I'm gonna end this post here! Thanks for reading! Love you! <3
Question of the Day: what's your go-to Starbucks order when you're having a rough day?
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