Happy Valentine’s Day everyone! I know Valentine’s Day has definitely lost it’s sparkle over the years. At least for me. Either you love Valentine’s Day or you think it’s stupid and absolutely hate it. I’m not exactly a huge fan of the holiday which is sad because when I was younger it was one of my favorite holidays. Granted it was more widely celebrated when I was younger. Everything was pink and red, I could eat chocolates without worrying about my weight, I got to make cute little valentines for all my friends! It was so much fun! Then middle school came around and those traditions came to an end. Even at such a young age, everyone around me either had a crush or a special someone. Everyone except me. To make myself feel better, I told my friends I DID have a boyfriend but he just went to a different school. To my knowledge, I did a pretty good job because they believed me. When I reached 8th grade, I had my first real crush and I was so excited. That is, until that crush was crushed because my “friend” decided to tell him even though I begged her not to. She said she was doing me a favor and then got mad at me for being upset. Since then, my crush avoided me at all costs and I soon found out he had feelings for another girl.
Going into high school, I never really had feelings for anyone, except this one guy outside of school. We were compatible on every level and I was so sure he would be my first-ever boyfriend! I was a junior in high school so I was so excited to have a guy like me back (finally!). Only, my friend liked him too. When I told her I liked him first, she promised to back off. However, her idea of “backing off” was telling all our friends how she felt about him so they’d be on her side and help her. In the end, she decided to ask him out before I got the chance, and when I confronted her about it, she didn’t even hear me out. She said things like “you never made a move” (false) and “it’s not my fault he has zero feelings for you whatsoever” (again, false). The way I found out what she did was disgusting. I pulled the guy aside and decided to tell him how I feel. He told me he thought I was an amazing girl, but my friend had already asked him to be her boyfriend. I felt so betrayed. Not only had a lost my crush, but I lost a friend and a majority of our friend group. Since then, I built walls high around my heart and kept it safe. I had heard they broke up and I wanted to ask him to our school’s prom to maybe try again and have the moment with him that I should’ve had. I asked his sister if I could take him to prom and she said yes. I was so excited and immediately bought a poster paper and wrote a prom-posel with lots of Les Mis references (that was his favorite musical). However, when me and my friend were going to go to his house, his sister texted me saying they were busy the day of our prom. She then asked if I wanted to talk to “him” and I said no. I had a feeling their was something else going on and eventually just took my girl friend. And honestly, I had such a great time!
I’m now a senior and have yet to have a boyfriend. I’m 22 and have pretty much been single my entire life. In college, boys either wanted to date my friend (even if I liked them and she knew that and dated them anyway) or just wanted to use me for my body. There is this one guy but I truly don’t think it’s going to go anywhere. I’ve tried to invite him to do things but he’s always come up with a reason not to go. Yet he still snaps me every day. We’ve been doing this since freshman year. We’re seniors now. I don’t think anything is going to happen. I’ve even tried dating apps like Hinge or Bumble but just haven’t connected with any of the guys I met up with. However, in my senior year, I think I’ve finally learned to love and forgive the person I should’ve a long time ago; myself. If you haven’t read my last two posts, I recently got out of a toxic friendship. She taught me how to hate myself and feel bad about myself and to just repress my feelings all the time. I will never let anyone treat me that way again.
This past semester has been one of the best semesters I’ve had since being here! I’ve learned to love myself and begun opening up to those around me! I’m becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be and living the life I never led. This is your reminder that even if your single this Valentine’s Day, there’s so many other forms of love. Platonic love, self love, etc. I’m so happy to be spending this Valentine’s Day with my friends and making chocolate-covered strawberries. And I made it through college without anyone holding my hand. You are so loved more than you know, you don’t need a romantic partner to feel whole. Never forget that <3
Thanks for reading xoxo
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