Hi guys! So if you don’t know, I had to chance to play Audrey in Little Shop of Horrors! Exciting right! And if you don’t know, like Audrey, I also got out of a really toxic relationship. No, not toxic. Abusive. Granted mine wasn’t PHYSICALLY abusive or by my boyfriend, it was actually someone I considered my “best friend” who mentally and emotionally abused me to the point where I began to hate myself towards the end of the semester. Deep down I knew she was the problem and knew she was bad for me, but given that we also lived together, I didn’t want things to be awkward between us while we continued to live together. So I just did whatever she said, took the blame and apologized for things I shouldn’t have, and basically acted like her stress ball. She had also been in an extremely abusive relationship with a boy, and even when she was dating him she always made excuses for his bad behavior. He’d even mentally abuse me and she’d make excuses for him. But when I try to set boundaries or stand up for myself because I’m uncomfortable, suddenly I’m the bad guy and she tells me that he has every right to get angry with me and say awful, nasty things to me.
While I was performing the show, I really thought I couldn’t relate to Audrey given that I’ve really never had a boyfriend, and certainly not an abusive one. However, I realized I can relate to her a lot more than I thought, just in a different way. Just because abuse isn’t physical or from your semi-sadist boyfriend, it doesn’t mean it’s not abuse. So here’s a few things I’ve come to realize and things I learned from playing our favorite little Skid Row blonde.
THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS
1. You're Never Alone
One of the lines I remember being really sentimental with was “he’s the only fella I’ve got” in which she’s referring to her abusive boyfriend, Orin Scrivello DDS, and trying to come up with reasons why she can’t leave him. Things like “he’s a rebel”, “he makes good money”, “he’s a professional”, etc. Audrey knows Orin isn’t good for her but feels she can’t leave him because he’s the only guy she’s got and the only one who will put up with her. Even with the Skid Row girls, Audrey expresses that Orin would get angry and hurt her even more if she left him. The reason this sticks out so much to me is because I said something almost identical about my “friend”. Someone once asked me why I hang out with her all the time and I said “…she’s the only friend I have”. Which wasn’t far from the truth back then. But like Audrey, I found an amazing group of supportive friends who had my back, understood my trauma, respected my boundaries and I wasn’t afraid to be my true self. Granted I have a bit of trust issues, but after being in a toxic relationship for so long, that’s pretty normal. Of course I’m going to need some time to heal, but at least I’m away from my toxic friend. And I think it’s safe to say that I have more friends than I did before.
2. Don't Settle for Less Than You Deserve
Like I said before, the reason I was with this friend for so long is because I thought she’s the only friend I had. The only one who liked me, understood me and tolerated me. I even distanced myself from my other friends because I thought she was better for me. But now her true colors are shining through and I see she couldn’t give less of a fuck about me. There would be days when she would spend the night else where and I would get the apartment to myself for a bit. And I’m not joking when I say I felt better alone than with her. Whenever she was around, I always felt like I was walking on egg shells. Even if we were in opposite rooms or not even talking, there was always tension. So I’d rather be alone than settle for her.
3. What Goes Around Comes Around
You know the old saying, “karma’s a bitch”. Well, I fully believe that’s true. In the musical, Audrey’s toxic boyfriend isn’t murdered at the hands of Seymour; he’s killed through his own sadistic actions by inhaling too much nitrous oxide. Sure Seymour could’ve done something to help Orin, but chose not to for Audrey’s sake. With Orin gone, Audrey wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt and abused and was finally free to be happy. Yet even after he disappeared, she believed it was her fault because she secretly wished that something bad would happen to him. However, toxic people always get what they deserve at some point. My “friend” recently became friends with this girl on campus who is just as toxic as she is. Her new friend is already putting her through things that she put me through. What can I say. Karma’s a bitch.
4. Don't Be Afraid to Stand Up for Yourself
Unfortunately, Audrey never gets her happily ever after because she too falls victim to the Audrey 2 plant and is eaten. How does this happen? She’s too nice and naive. Audrey 2 manages to get a hold of Audrey simply by asking her for some water and Audrey (unfortunately) is nice enough to give it to him. Despite her being shocked by the fact that the plant can talk and she’s CLEARLY uncomfortable, she does it anyway. Something she also did with Orin a lot as well. He would constantly threaten her and she would do/say anything to avoid getting hurt. This is something I did a lot in my toxic friendship. Obviously I wasn’t eaten by a giant man eating plant from space, but my friend put me in so many uncomfortable situations but I went along with it any way because I didn’t want to argue with her. I knew if I said no or actually expressed my feelings, she would invalidate them and spin it around on me. People have taken advantage of my niceness and nativity pretty much all my life. And it always ends the same. Once I stand up for myself, suddenly I’m the bad guy. So obviously, if someone only wants to be your friend because of what they can get from you, they’re not a good friend.
5. Don't Feed the Plants!
Jk. But basically, don’t feed into toxic behavior. Don’t reward someone’s shitty actions by doing what they ask of you. This will start to show the person that they can bend and twist you however they want and you won’t care. They’ll be able to walk all over you and take advantage of you as many times as they please and you won’t care. This happened way too many times in my toxic friendship and I should’ve called her out along time ago. But because I didn’t and she knew I was desperate for friends, she saw a way to shape me into her little toy who she can beat and break a million times. Only I’m the one putting myself back together.
CONCLUSION
I loved playing Audrey with my whole heart, it was one of the greatest experiences of my life and taught me so much. Unlike Audrey, I fully believe that this school year, I’m going to get my happily ever after. I found a new group of supportive friends and roommates, I don’t have to be afraid of expressing myself, I can wear whatever I want and just be myself again. Of course I have a lot of soul searching to do because a huge part of me died over the past two years, but I’ll find her again. And I know my new friends will be there for me every step of the way. And I know now to call out people on their BS early rather than being too nice and letting it go, so I don’t fall victim to another Audrey 2.
Thank you so much for reading! xoxo
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